Heartbroken

 I lost my sweet Lucy Saturday to cancer.  I can't say that I was surprised but still heartbroken.
She had not eaten but a few bites on Thursday and nothing before I left for work on Friday.  Friday evening she was slow to greet me following the rush of Sable and Joe.  She lay in the kitchen as I made dinner and still would not accept a treat of any kind.  My father and me fell asleep watching TV.  I get up to open the door to let everyone do their business before I close the pet door for the night.  I start to sit down on the patio when I realize Lucy had not followed.  She is still laying under the dining room table barely seen under my dust cover.  When she would not respond, I moved the table and she was just lying there breathing heavily.  I fell to my knees balling.  I know I must be an ugly crier.  You know the kind, like the actress Laura Dern in the movie Blue Velvet.  I don't know why I was so shocked to find her in that state considering she hadn't eaten.  I laid next to her while Joe and Sable paced the floor and my Father continue to sleep in his chair.  After I got my Father to bed, I managed to get Lucy on a sheet and I put her on the ottoman in the den.

I knew the vet's office opened at 7:00 AM on Saturdays so I spent the night petting her, crying, and apologizing to her. The office told me to bring her in at 8:00 AM.  I thought I was ready at this point but my legs were so weak and I thought that my knees would buckle when it came time to load her in my truck.  I had to place her on her bed in the back of my truck which I hated.  I had never allowed my girls or Joe to ride in the back of the truck but it was all I could manage at this point.  I made the trip in less than 15 minutes.  I went to the side door.  Holding my handkerchief to my face I told a vet tech that I had Lucy.  She looked startled and sympathetic and said okay and that she would get the vet.  Two techs came out and helped me carry her inside.  They left me in the room alone with her till I was ready for the vet.
I cried all the way home.  The only thing more heart wrenching than taking her away for the last time was coming home for the first time and her not here to greet me.
I loved Lucy.  She was not always affectionate when I needed her to be but she was so very protective of me and our home.  She was so good when I got Sable taking care of her and showing her the rules of the house.  I have often heard people question if their pets will be in heaven but I haven't really thought of that.  I feel like I had a little piece of heaven right here for over ten years with my Lucy girl.

Thank you for all your kind words, thoughts, and prayers, the last few weeks.